Boob Job

My family hit our medical deductible for BCBS this year, so all "required" procedures from now until December 31 are covered 100%. After speaking with my ENT M.D., I've opted to forego sinus surgery. And apparently, breast implants aren't considered a required procedure for men. At the rate I'm going, I'll have saggy chest lumps soon enough. (Sexy, no?)

November 1 is the beginning of the biannual Whiskerino event, where hundreds of men put down their razors and don't use them again until March 1. 120 days without shaving. I can't do it. I prefer kissing my wife, plus I wouldn't last two weeks with my face itching.

Instead, I'm going to start my own personal Flabberino. It'll serve as a filler for those days I'm uninspired to write anything else on the blog. I'll attempt to journal my exercise and diet, and by the end of four months, I'll see (1) how long I lasted (the over/under is November 10), (2) how much weight I lost (o/u is at 218, curious as I'm not dropping 15 pounds in ten days), and (3) how many over/unders I can incorporate in this paragraph (currently, three is a push). Gyms and/or running are both far from enticing, so I'll need to figure out my own path to svelteness. And yes, I wrote that simply to include the word "svelteness." Like someone with a speech impediment describing Walter Payton.

Start date will be 11/1, as I said, because I'm going to Philly in two weeks and God help me, I intend to scarf down an utterly unhealthy sequence of cheesesteaks. Then Halloween candy dishes, though with work's current health initiative, I wonder how many of those'll be filled with carrots and cucumber slices. No, and no.

In the same vein that you're not supposed to go to a supermarket when you're hungry, I probably shouldn't write about losing weight after consuming only a Breakfast Hot Pocket, a german chocolate brownie (with congealed coconut looking dangerously like someone sneezed on it), and a Coke. I'm pretty sure I hit none of the food groups, as I doubt anything listed would be classified as food.

We all have to start somewhere.