My best friends are an assortment of idiots.
Everyone hangs out with a variety of idiots, but my group has a creative streak, a competitive streak, and hopefully no Hershey streaks to speak of. When the summer Olympics hit two years ago, we decided to create our own decathlon. None of us is exceptionally athletic (or intelligent), so our events will stray from the standard races and hurls (though our races may well lead to hurling).
I haven't yet concocted an overall scoring system, but these are a few ideas bouncing around the inside of my skull. Potential events thus far:
1. The Two-Minute BB-a-thon. Set up a target with rings for 3-5-10 points. Spend two minutes cranking and firing as many shots into the target as possible. Good luck holding your arms steady after the third or fourth shot. Cumulative total wins.
2. The Egg Toss (with spouses). Wives throw three eggs, husbands catch. Longest distance with an unbroken egg wins.
3. The Heave-Putt-and-Split. Similar to the pass, punt and kick, a series of h-o-r-s-e setups between a basketball hoop, a disc golf basket, and a football field goal. Each competitor decides on one shot from each location. If he makes his own shot, it's worth ten points. Each competitor that makes that same shot subtracts three points from the originator's score and adds it to their own. If the originator misses his own declared shot, it's worth five points to anyone else who makes it. Cumulative total wins.
4. All-Things-Are-Not-Created-Equilibrium. Five forward somersaults, five circles around a dizzy bat, and five backward somersaults. Timed event.
5. Slushee Chugfest. Down one small slushee from Sonic. (Choose your own flavor.) First one to finish wins. Must drink through a straw. Enjoy the throat agony and headache.
6. Chuck E. Cheese Arcade Game Round Robin. Each competitor chooses a one-player game (video, skee ball, shocker, whatever). Tally scores. 1st place = 5 points, 2nd place = 3 points, 3rd place = 2 points. Cumulative total.
7. Poker. No clue how to make this work; suggestions welcome
8. Paper Airplane Kamikaze/Girly-Throw Massacre. Using standard construction paper (each contestant gets a different color), build and launch five airplanes from Josh's back porch, trying for distance and/or marked "safe zones." Next, each contestant throws three water balloons with their off-throwing hand. Any airplane that gets wet is disqualified from scoring, unless it's in a safe zone.
...and I'm stuck two short of ten. Considering I don't know how to incorporate poker, I need two and a half more events. Requirements: they must be cheap and relatively easy to perform, unconventionally executed, and silly.
Something involving brute strength would be nice, but armwrestling or weightlifting doesn't have the right charm. I also considered something involving skipping stones, but no clue how to coordinate it outside of going to a lake.
If you've an idea, send it as a comment. We're running this mess sometime in February. Thanks.
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My family is fond of the "Cherry Pit Spit." Everyone lines up along my folks' seawall and a bowl of cherries is passed down. Everyone eats one and one at a time spits the pit as far as they can into the canal. The game is improved with alcohol, but someone usually ends up swallowing their cherry pit by mistake. Make sure at least one person in the area knows the Heimlich maneuver.
ReplyDeleteThere is always "KING MOOSE" Marathon.
ReplyDeleteHow about blind fold eating of a doughnut while it's hung on a string. Depending on where you are from u can use Dunkin Doughnuts or Krispy Kreme.