All About Some About A Little About Me

Nearly 40 entries already? Wow, time flies when you're stockpiling minutia.

As I'm slightly less than inspired to concoct something witty, I thought I'd use today's entry to compose a series of autobiographical one-liners. 40% of my followers consist of my sister and a former roommate of mine, so they can feel free to comment and further flesh out the far-from-a-skeleton that is me.

* I watched the 1986 Superbowl with my best friend at the time, and we were convinced we were stoned on Chef-Boy-Ar-Dee raviolis.

* If you consider friends the kind of people who would never call the cops on you, I'm the wrong guy. I've done it before, and if I deem it necessary, I'll do it again.

* The only things I consistently do left-handed involve aiming. This is true for guns, archery, and urinating.

* I've been consistently informed that (1) I should be a teacher and (2) I remind them of Bill Murray. Try as I might, I can't think of a film in which Bill Murray was a teacher. Odd, that.

* If confronted with a decision, I'll first look for the right answer. If I can't find one, I'll search for the best answer. Lacking either, I'll move on to a good answer. I hate resorting to the lesser of evils to make up my mind. In those times when every option sucks, I'm not opposed to picking my route from a hat or coin flips.

* I hope to someday drop below 210 pounds, but I never expect to see 199 again. It's a slim margin. Without altering my diet, neither number is realistic. I could devote a day or section of this blog to my current mass index. Maybe I'll weigh myself in the metric system. I'm currently 16.4 stone. Who was the influencial guru that mandated a stone weighs 14 pounds? When they did, were they thinking of British currency? I'm very confused.

* Chocolate is always a good option. Even so, I'll never choose it over sex. I suppose I get to keep my man card for that.

* My favorite colors are secondary: purple and green. I own no pants of either color.

* Tapioca.

* I can curl my tongue or twist it sideways, but only with the right side on the bottom. When I manually quarter-turn it so the right side is up top, I can't maintain that position. That's supposed to deal with some genetic issue.

* Back in February, I did my Facebook 25 list. They felt funnier, more revealing, and better thought out.

* If money wasn't a concern, I'm not sure what I'd do. Maybe become a hanggliding instructor. Which is especially weird, considering my fear of heights and open spaces. I'm okay with low open spaces or enclosed heights, but the combo is unpleasant. I doubt I'll ever take my kids to the Grand Canyon.

* Speaking of phobias, I'm nervous around dogs and horses, and I don't like being a passenger in a car. It isn't that I don't trust your driving, it's just that I don't trust your driving.

* My deviated septum isn't significant enough to require surgery. I rather hoped it did, since I hit my medical deductible for the year and I'd like a remedy to my consistent sinus issues.

* I'm loud. Even when I whisper.

* I used to consider myself an optimistic realist - I saw life as it was and tried to find the best parts of it. That was a loooong time ago. Now I'm some kind of skeptical, cynical defeatist. I'm ready for that pendulum to swing back any day now.

* I wonder if my body somehow manufactures Prozac, because I rarely feel superhigh highs or superlow lows. That's not to say I'm even keel, but I'm relatively levelheaded.

* My skull is not flat.

* I have very few vivid memories of my childhood. Fortunately, the hazy parts are almost universally good recollections.

* If only I could accomplish more while sleeping, I could be a much happier person.