Nothing Plus Nothing Is Nothing

If you read this, please pay me.

Too late. You already read it. And you've proceeded even further, which means I should charge you more than I did for the original paragraph. Not that it was entertaining or worthwhile, but I set the terms and you inherently agreed by moving forward. It's not my fault you decided to peruse the entire entry, and you still haven't stopped yet? Mercy. Some people never learn.

The question becomes how will I collect? I set up this blog to be "monetized," so clicking on the ads should push revenue into my [currently desert-like] stream. But the ad I consistently see placed is something about not paying for white teeth. I've little idea what that has to do with any of my writing. True, I have a dentist's appointment this afternoon at 2:00, but this is, to the best of my memory, the first mention of my choppers and their brightness. I'm not paying to get my teeth any whiter; why should they offer payment for me advertising that?

For that matter, part of my agreement was that I won't click on the ads myself. Which is odd. Theoretically, there should be some programming language that determines the appropriate ads from blog content, so advertisers will reach the proper audiences. Unless I exude subliminal messages about smiling - and anyone who knows me will attest otherwise - why was that selected? I almost care enough to be confused.

If marketers want to collect, direct readers of my blog to sports, junk food, hot tubs, a better night's sleep, loungers (flannel pants), and dinner etiquette of the ancient Montessouri tribes. In lieu of that, send me cash money. I'll supply an address upon request (and reference).