Camping-Challenged

My family joined a crowd from our church to go camping in early June. Unpleasantness abounded, highlighted mostly by our two-year-old's inability/unwillingness to lie still in a tent. Inflatable mattresses are not made for more than one person, regardless of the sizes of the mattress or the people. Were it not for s'mOreos, I'd've never suggested backyard camping with friends for July 3. If Scooter opted to stay awake, one of us (ME!) could stay in my bed and wake up with him. How poorly could it go?

* Around 11:00, we spotted a white skunk. Rather large, and I thought old. Dogs' hair grows white as they age, so why not skunks? It wasn't an albino, or else its eyes would've been pink. White Stinky decided that our campground was his campground, and he had little fear of humans. He made a half dozen apperances within twenty feet, the closest of which was when he ran next to my chair. Had I reached down, I could've grabbed him. Pass.

* Inspired by White Stinky, a younger standard black-and-white skunk followed suit and made himself at home. Our fire pit - sufficiently bright and hot enough to keep me worried about igniting my dry grass and our subdivision - was no deterrent. The gentlemen's club waited until they were around my house before peeing lines to mark our territory, and they didn't cross the streams. Thank God for Ghostbusters?

* Not to lose the jump on anyone, fireworks started erupting at 2:00. A.-FRICKING-M. One every five minutes or so, which provided enough time to fall back asleep and/or believe the predawn festivities were completed. No rhyme or reason, but plenty of proximity. I'd like to personally deliver a box of lit M-80s to the doorstep of the redneck idiot who couldn't read his watch.

* At 4:30, Justin wakes up and demands "I want breakfast!" No, go back to bed. "BREAKFAST!" I offer the most threatening look I can muster, which, between sleep-deprivation, aggravation, and disgust, must've done the trick. He lies back down. Five minutes later, he needs to go potty.

Oh yeah, I neglected to mention: Scooter wouldn't sleep in the tent. We gave up on that idea around 10:30. Since Les had a lesson to plan, she stayed inside with him.

I leave the tent, scan for the Stinktwins, let Justin in the house, and he opts to use his own bed. I also notice one of the families has deserted Campground Becker, doubtless because of the timeless bomber.

* 5:15 - another kid wakes up. Fortunately, we're prepped for this, and we told his Dad how to get in, turn on our upstairs entertainment center, and sleep on our couch.

* I wake up around 8:20 with the tent flap hanging open, no kids nearby, and no rest. Because of our family's scheduled events of July 4, I don't pack the tent back into its bag. It rains. More today. Hopefully it'll dry out by mid-week.

Next time they want to camp, I'm unscrewing their ceiling light, handing them flashlights, and building a bedsheet fort. Period.

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