I’m wearing pants with a hole at the crotch. The tear along the seams runs about an inch long. This isn’t the first time I noticed the gap – in fact, I’ve probably worn these slacks a dozen times since discovering it. What I can’t discern is my motivation. I sit at a desk most of the day with my lap hidden safely underneath, so it’s not that I’m trying to show off my boxer briefs to co-workers. While a lack of desire (or ability) to sew might explain why the hole still exists, such lack doesn’t justify my wearing the pants.
Over time, I've donned more than my fair share of holy socks and even a dress shirt or three with a rip. As I don't want to hand in my man-card yet, I own plenty of boxer-briefs with tears beneath the elastic waistband (do they use genetically-modified, weaker cotton there?). But these are the only slacks with a defect that could get me in trouble, should someone happen to spot the spot.
But then... wouldn't reporting a crotchal discrepancy be as much a mark on the reporter's record as mine? It's one thing to comment on a sprig of broccoli in someone else's teeth, but how can someone approach their supervisor to tattle on this kind of problem? Would it be considered sexual harassment somehow? I realize HR departments have to keep reporter's identities anonymous, but man, figuring out whosaidit would make my workdays more mysterious. Worth it? Dunno.
'Course, I'm the guy who drove to Blockbuster's drop-box last night at 11:45 in my boxer shorts and nothing else. And I don't park in my garage. (My neighbors may soon revisit the adage about good fences...)
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