No, I Don't Speak Droid

Star Wars and Transformers have cross-platform toys. I know this because, last night at Target, I perused an aisle where I could buy some kind of transport ship (no chance of me remembering the name) that could reconfigure into a robot. I'm trying to figure out which would be worse: George Lucas writing the script for such a film or Michael Bay directing it?

A friend wants to sit down and watch Episodes I-VI in order in one day. I think if I could go a lifetime without seeing The Phantom Menace again, I'd be a happier person. While I enjoyed Star Wars as much as the next guy, I'm no fanboy. I owned about a dozen action figures, the land speeder (with retractable wheels!), and a couple t-shirts. I had to play with other kids who owned the Millenium Falcon or the next-to-impossible-to-find blue Snaggletooth. I've probably seen the 1977 movie a dozen times total, I made the buzzing light saber sound while waving sticks, and I may have debated whether or not the Force was with me at age 10.

For Justin's birthday, he received a Lego set to build a ship. (Again, without the box in front of me, I can't tell you what it was.) I'm estimating there are 300 individual Legos to build this. The instruction manual is rougly 50 pages long. This is a toy? Don't get me wrong; it's nice to share a bonding moment every night where my eldest can laugh at his old man for not finding four 1x1 light grey pieces (not dark grey, those are for a different component). When [read: if] this masterpiece is completed, it'll be roughly the size of a softball. With 300 pieces. And heaven forbid they try to play with it, as Scooter will invariably explore the intricacies of space dogfights and collide the ship into a wall/the piano/the ceiling fan, sprawling THREE HUNDRED Legos across our living room.

My brother-in-law works at Hasbro in the Star Wars toy department. He's to blame.

Writing that reminds me that in life, it's not as important to find a solution to our problems as it is to accuse a scapegoat. I feel better now.